First trip to the ER

We had our first trip to the ER yesterday. 6 hours, 4 needle sticks and 3 shots of antibiotic later... we don't really know much.

Yesterday morning, SJ woke up with some small purple spots under the skin on his legs. We kept and eye on them all day and nothing changed. I decided to call the nurse and she told us to take him to the ER. I absolutely did not expect to hear that. I figured she'd tell us to schedule an appt with his Pedi for today.

We got him ready and left. It took a while for him to be seen, there were quite a few babies in the ER last night. They ruled out menengitis, which was the major concern. They drew 3 vials of blood - it took 4 needle sticks to do this and they still didn't have enough blood for all of the tests they would have liked to have done. His white blood cell count is high, so he is fighting something off. But it is higher than it should be. So they decided to give him 2 shots of antibiotic and they sent us home. We are mtg with his Pedi this afternoon to get more test results and decide if he needs another shot of antibiotic.

So right now, we don't really know anything more than we did before we went in. It could be a common cold virus. It could be bacterial. The good thing is, he is acting fine, eating, peeing, pooping all fine. So we continue to wait...

Back to work and other milestones

I have been a bad, bad blogger. Life with a baby is far busier than I imagined.

It has been exactly 1 year since I gave myself that first Menopur shot for IVF cycle #2. I can hardly believe how fast the time has gone. I now have an amazing 15 week old boy. The emotional roller coaster we were on since April of 2010 has been forgotten.

The past 8 weeks since I last posted have been good, bad, ugly, amazing...

I found out that my sciatica was caused by a bulging disc at L5-S1. After weeks of Physical Therapy and Chiropractic adjustments, I am about 98% recovered. But it was awful, emotionally and physically awful.

SJ is doing very well. Overall he is a very happy baby. We had our rough days here and there. And mommy felt like a prisoner in her own home because SJ was the boss and we only went out when he seemed to be ok with it. Sometimes we were successful, other times I was embarrassed by his loud crying. 

After 14.5 weeks of maternity leave, I returned to work yesterday. Dropping SJ at daycare wasn't as tough as I thought. We had a practice day on Monday when I left him there for 6 hours. IJ and I feel really good about the day care center we chose and the ladies there love SJ already. Of course I miss him while I am away at work for 11.5 hours (with the commute and lunch break). But it makes my time with him in the morning, after work and during the overnight feeding all that more special.

His smile and laugh light up my life. My favorite moment every day is when I go into his room first thing in the morning when he wakes up and when he hears my voice he will turn toward me and smile as big as can be. Melts my heart every time.

Cloth diapering is going fairly well. We are learning as we go but overall, it is pretty easy and SJ actually gets a rash from some disposable diapers so I am glad we wanted to go the CD route. Yes, it is a lot of extra laundry but not overwhelming. And some of the patterns on the diapers are so darn cute!

On the downside, I have already caught my first "I have a child in day care" cold. Sore throat and sneezing. SJ was coughing this morning before I left the house. Hopefully it isn't anything big. I expected him to get sick this month but not after 2 days at day care. I have to keep telling myself he is building up his immunity!

7 weeks into motherhood

Well I must say, this isn't what I expected motherhood to be like. Exhaustion, frustration...and a horrific bout with my sciatica. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier to have my son and thank God daily for that miracle. But things have not gone the way I had thought.

SJ (my son) is colicky. He has terrible gas that seems so painful to him. It breaks my heart when he screams and scrunches his body up trying to get it out. Today was a particularly tough day.

But the worst part has been my sciatica. 12 days ago I had terrible pain in my leg. It didnt matter if I stood, sat or laid down - it hurt no matter what. And when I say hurt, I don't mean a little ouch. I mean excruciating pain that I had never felt before. The next day was more of the same. I had gone to the ER that morning and the doctor gave me a Rx for a pain killer. It didn't even touch the pain. Just made me tired enough to sleep through the pain for 3 hours. I went to the doctor later and got a sleeping pill (which didn't help much either) and a referral to an Orthopedic Surgeon. The next day I started Physical Therapy. That helped some. But the weekend loomed and then I would be on my own with the pain.

IJ was handling everything so I could try to rest in between pacing around my tiny condo. Continuous walking was the only thing that helped the pain. This continued through the weekend and Monday I went back to PT with some improvement. Wednesday I met the Ortho and got an appointment for an MRI. I also saw a chiropractor that day. So the week went on and I was feeling a little better each day. The MRI was easy and by Sunday, I felt good for the first time.

Monday was my first day alone with SJ in almost 2 weeks. And I must have overdone it because last night was rough. SJ had some painful gas and was screaming uncontrolably. My back would not settle. I could only walk around so I got very little sleep.

We called the pediatrician's office this morning but there isn't really anything they can do.  They recommended we give him camomile tea in his bottle a few times each day. I guess it takes a while for a baby's digestive system to regulate so all we can do is wait. I don't know how I will deal with the screaming because I cry every time he screams because I can't help him and it breaks my heart. hopefully this will all get better soon.

He's here...

Introducing my son...

born June 28, 2012

7:57am

6lbs 10oz, 19 3/4" long

Sorry it took so long to get this up here. But as I am sure you can understand, life has been BUSY! We have been home for a week now and adjusting to life with a newborn. It has been great, and it has been rough - but I wouldn't change a thing.

The delivery was rather uneventful. Normal c-section, 15 seconds of excitement (said my doctor) because my placenta was covering my cervix more than expected. I went in the OR at 7:30 and was out by 8:45 with 15 staples across my abdomen - that was weird. IJ was there with me and got to cut the cord. I have never seen him so excited and happy as he was the moment our son was born. I didn't get to see the baby right away, well, I saw him from afar. But after a little while, IJ was able to bring him over to me. I kissed his cheek and they whisked him away to the nursery. IJ went with him for a bit and then came back down to see me. I couldn't wait to hold my son. By 9am, he was in my arms. It was amazing.

He sleeps a lot during the day and wants to party (or fuss) at night. Hoping to get that turned around soon. We is a good eater, unfortunately, he wasn't a good latcher - especially once we started supplementing with formula. The bottle were so easy and breastfeeding was a lot of work. Not to mention I kept getting so stressed about every feeding because he wasn't putting on weight and dropped 11% of his weight in the hospital. I would cry and cry every time I tried to feed him. With my history of depression, and all the hormonal changes postpartum, Sunday IJ and I decided to stop breastfeeding. I still pump so that he is getting some benefits but he is really a formula baby now. There is nothing wrong with it, I just felt like I was failing him. But I had to weigh out the situation and in the long run, a happier mom is a better mom. I could see myself heading toward resenting him and that wasn't going to be good. Anyway, I am ok with with our decision now.

My sciatica is STILL lingering, It is much better, but definitely not gone. I went back to acupuncture last week and have 2 more treatments this week. The 24 hours after the spinal were blissful - no pain at all. But it returned with a vengence and was particularly bad in that hospital bed. Hopefully it will subside soon.

Well, enough for now, I have to go get the boy from his crib.

It's baaaacckkk...

Sciatica. And boy is it bad now! I can barely move my left leg after I am sitting for a little while. The pain is excruciating. Worse than it was when I first had it. At least it will only be for a few days. Hopefully after the birth on Thursday the pain will go away...hopefully!

It's official...

My C-section is scheduled for next Thursday June 28 at 9am. I found out yesterday afternoon but I think it hasn't quite set in yet. While I am thrilled to meet my son, I feel overwhelmed that I have "more to do" to prepare. Like what? honestly, there really isn't much. We are picking our glider up tomorrow morning, I have 2 co-sleeper sheets to wash, need to buy an iPod shuffle for his lullabyes and I need to buy him a pair or 2 of newborn size pants (I wasn't expecting him to be so little at birth - 6lbs as of Wed). Otherwise, it is stuff for me that I need - a robe and slippers, a few items to return at the mall, some make-up (not for the hospital, but for the weeks I am home before I am fully mobile again), packing my hospital bag, I would like to get his quilt finished (well, at least get the quilting done and backing on) and IJ and I would like to go out to dinner and a movie since this will be our last weekend as just the 2 of us.

I can't believe I am days away, just 6 days.... this journey has been so long - 26 months actually. I admit there were times that I doubted this would happen, that I would actually become a mom. Those days weren't many and weren't often but when they hit, they were brutal. But I try my best to focus on the best days - our second egg retrieval when we had 12 eggs, the day we got the call from the fertility clinic that we were pregnant, the day of our first ultrasound, the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, the day we found out we were having a son, the day of my shower and all the love that filled that room. And the best day is yet to come - next Thursday morning.

There are so many people I am thankful to have had supporting me throughout this process - while I never name any names on this blog, I will say this:

My OB office - Thank you Dr S and Nurse J
My Fertility clinic - Thank you Dr H, Dr W, the best Phlebotomist ever, the great ultrasound tech I saw almost daily and the nursing staff (except the girl who gave me my IV for retrieval #2, no thanks to her - lol)
My friends at work - LH, LC, MR, KF, SC, MF, TA, KT, SS - their daily encouragement definitely made those shots a lot easier to handle
My babycenter.com girls - I could not have gotten to this point without their support
My church family and friends praying for us

My family. Even though none of them could fully understand our process and all the IVF terminology, my mom and sisters were great. My aunts and cousins who knew about the second cycle were amazingly supportive.

And last but definitely not least, my husband. While I know exactly how this process made me feel, I don't think I will ever really know how it affected IJ. I know he was always being strong for me and not letting me see his own frustration month after month of us not being pregnant - and especially after the first IVF cycle failed. He put up with so many mood swings the fertility drugs caused me to have. And bravely stuck me with needles full of thick oil every night for weeks. He has rubbed my swollen, pregnant feet almost daily for weeks and done so much around the house so that I could rest after work. He's been reading the books, hanging things in the nursery, installing car seats and putting together toys. And I know he can barely hold in his excitement to meet our son next week. I am so glad to finally be able to give him a son.

Full Term - 37 weeks

We have made it to a critical point... Baby J is full term. And I am waiting on a call from my doctor's scheduler to let me know if the c-section will be June 28 or 29. Yes, NEXT WEEK! I am a bundle of emotions about this - scared of the surgery, excited to meet my son but also scared that I will have this awesome responsibility of raising a child. I am sort of walking around feeling like time is standing still. There are still a lot of little things to do before he gets here. And this coming weekend is my last batch of free time for a long time. I will update again later after the phone call. 

Gross

So now I understand the non-joys of late pregnancy. Here is a lovely photo of my feet last night:

I had flip flops on all day - nothing tight, nothing with a heel... gross. One thing I have never had is cankles. This morning they were better, but who knows what I will find tonight when I take my sneakers off.

My hands are really swollen too. I haven't worn my wedding ring in weeks. Hopefully this goes away pretty fast after the baby is born.

36 weeks and counting down

Cant believe the end of my pregnancy is in sight. The beginning went by slowly but these last 10 or so weeks have FLOWN by! I am getting tired very easily. Even trekking up to our condo on the 4th floor (no elevator) has gotten tough. The hot days are the worst - the swollen feet and hands get so painful. But, I am still doing everything I have been doing and the nursery is just about ready. I keep looking in there for something more to do to get ready, but there really isn't much left. Our glider will be here late next week and once that is in, a few adjustments will be made and that's it... DONE!

I started non stress tests 2x/week - first one was this past Wednesday. Baby J passed with flying colors. The nurse called him an over-achiever. Second one is tomorrow. My appt with the doctor went well on Wednesday too. He did say he is amazed that I haven't had another bleeding incident by now and that he expected me to already be on bed rest. But I have followed his instructions to a T. I guess I had sort of forgotten those things were likely to happen. It is possible that the baby's head is resting right on my placenta and even if it does bleed some, the blood might be trapped by his head. We don't know for sure - that is just a theory.

Anyway, my doctor isn't comfortable waiting until July 9 for my c-section. We are hoping something opens up the week of July 2 but if it isn't looking that way, he may move me up to June 28...June 28, as in less than 2 weeks from today. He will be 38 weeks exactly. Earlier than I would like, but my doctor doesn't want to risk me having a bad bleed and getting freaked out. He said he'd be comfortable with a delivery at 38 weeks.

So now we wait and see. I continue the NSTs and I have a BPP (Bio physical Profile) ultrasound next Wednesday. If those continue to go well, maybe we will hold off. If they don't, the 28th is probably likely. It may be more likely anyway. I really don't know. Either way, our son will be here before we know it! Amazing....

Birth Day

C-Section is currently scheduled for Monday July 9. We will see if the little guy is willing to wait that long. Exact time not yet determined.

4 weeks from today!

Some photos from my shower

My shower was Saturday June 2. It was such an amazing time. The weather didn't cooperate but it was ok. Everyone seemed to have a great time. My son has so many people who love him already. I guess I never really thought other people already loved him like IJ and I do. But after the comments and chats I had with friends and family that day, it hit me that he is so loved. It truly is a blessing.

Anyway, here are a few photos.

The centerpieces

Favors by Little Bits Toffee

Cupcakes made by my sister JC

My mom, my sisters and me

Getting ready to open the gifts

35 week update

My baby this week: size of a coconut

Weight Gain: 22.6

Baby bump: 

Sleep: Sleep has been better. Still waking up a couple times each night but falling right back to sleep. I had 2 nights with insomnia but hopefully that is behind me now.

Best moment of the week: My shower was last Saturday. I will try to grab some pictures off of Facebook to post here. Baby J has so many people who love him already - he is a blessed boy. We got many of our registry items and I made good progress in the nursery. He received TONS of clothes! I think he has more outfits than I do now. On Saturday I ordered the rest of the items from one of my registries so I can finish decorating and organizing the nursery. 

Symptoms: Hungry. Tired. Easily winded. Terrible heartburn - I have never known heartburn like this before.

Food cravings: Lemonade and anything salty.

What I miss: Nothing really. I just want to meet my boy.

What I am looking forward to: Getting my c-section scheduled. It is set for July 9 as of today, but I am not sure I will make it that long. Who knows if he will want to come early.

Milestones: 1 month left!

Emotions: Easily irritated - mainly at work. Feeling overwhelmed by things I have left to do before my maternity leave starts and my delivery day.

C-section it will be

So my appointment last Thursday didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. My placenta is actually now covering my cervix more than it was 3 weeks ago. So, when I go to the doctor on tomorrow, I will likely be scheduling my son's birthday. The past few days have been filled with a variety of emotions. I wanted the opportunity to experience labor, to have that rush of getting to the hospital, using the childbirth techniques we have been learning in class and seeing how long I could go without the epidural. I even had a free doula lined up. My masseuse needs one more birth for her certification so she was going to handle my birth and not charge me anything.... but alas, not doula needed for a c-section.

I do like the idea of knowing the date of my son's impending birth. But the idea of surgery scares the crap out of me. I have never broken a bone or even had a stitch. Never mind having my abdomen cut open and my organs moved around in order to pull a baby out. I can hardly even think about it without wanting to cry. And I keep having this panic that they are going to nick the baby with the scalpel - I saw it on Grey's Anatomy once and I can't put it out of my head but rationally, I know it is HIGHLY unlikely. Or the vision of myself falling asleep during a midnight feeding and rolling on top of him. These are the things that keep me up at night (thank you pregnancy insomnia!). I know they say that this insomnia is supposed to be preparing me for being up most of the night with a newborn, but I would very much appreciate all of the sleep I can get for now.

So I am nearing the end, and then nearing the beginning. Time moves slowly, time moves too quickly... sometimes it doesn't seem to move at all. All I know is, I am ready to meet my son, no matter what the method of delivery is, getting him here safely is all that really matters. And hopefully, that day is coming in a little over 5 weeks.

32 week update

My baby this week: size of a squash. He still seems to have room to move and loves to punch and kick his mom.

Weight Gain: 21 lbs. total. um WHAT?!?! 7lb gain in 4 weeks.

Baby bump: 

Sleep: Not sleeping as deeply and definitely not as comfortable.

Best moment of the week: Making progress in the nursery this past weekend - shelves and hat rack hung up, name decal on the wall and frames bought.

Symptoms: Hungry. So very hungry but trying to eat as well as I can. 

Food cravings: Lemonade and rice crispy treats.

What I miss: I missed wine on our anniversary when we went out to dinner, but that faded fast. I do miss deep sleep though.

What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound next Thursday. So hoping the previa is better.

Milestones: Third trimester!!

Emotions: Fairly stable but very easily irritated - mainly at work.

29 week update

My baby this week: size of a head of an acorn squash

Weight Gain: 16.4 lbs. total. Not too bad.

Baby bump: 

Sleep: Trouble getting comfortable. Putting a pillow between my knees and wrapping my arms around a round pillow is helping me stay on my side.

Best moment of the week: Tuesday's ultrasound - I love seeing my son.

Symptoms: Hungry. Little guy is kicking and rolling around a lot! The sciatica has subsided. Still rears it's head once in a while but not nearly as bad as it was.

Food cravings: Triscuits and ice cream... not at the same time!

What I miss: Not being winded when I go up the stairs.

What I am looking forward to: Getting more done in the nursery.

Milestones: Third trimester!!

Emotions: Cry at the drop of a hat when watching emotional tv stuff - like Guiliana and Bill Rancic's baby announcement.