So my appointment last Thursday didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. My placenta is actually now covering my cervix more than it was 3 weeks ago. So, when I go to the doctor on tomorrow, I will likely be scheduling my son's birthday. The past few days have been filled with a variety of emotions. I wanted the opportunity to experience labor, to have that rush of getting to the hospital, using the childbirth techniques we have been learning in class and seeing how long I could go without the epidural. I even had a free doula lined up. My masseuse needs one more birth for her certification so she was going to handle my birth and not charge me anything.... but alas, not doula needed for a c-section.
I do like the idea of knowing the date of my son's impending birth. But the idea of surgery scares the crap out of me. I have never broken a bone or even had a stitch. Never mind having my abdomen cut open and my organs moved around in order to pull a baby out. I can hardly even think about it without wanting to cry. And I keep having this panic that they are going to nick the baby with the scalpel - I saw it on Grey's Anatomy once and I can't put it out of my head but rationally, I know it is HIGHLY unlikely. Or the vision of myself falling asleep during a midnight feeding and rolling on top of him. These are the things that keep me up at night (thank you pregnancy insomnia!). I know they say that this insomnia is supposed to be preparing me for being up most of the night with a newborn, but I would very much appreciate all of the sleep I can get for now.
So I am nearing the end, and then nearing the beginning. Time moves slowly, time moves too quickly... sometimes it doesn't seem to move at all. All I know is, I am ready to meet my son, no matter what the method of delivery is, getting him here safely is all that really matters. And hopefully, that day is coming in a little over 5 weeks.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
My baby this week: size of a squash. He still seems to have room to move and loves to punch and kick his mom.
Weight Gain: 21 lbs. total. um WHAT?!?! 7lb gain in 4 weeks.
Sleep: Not sleeping as deeply and definitely not as comfortable.
Best moment of the week: Making progress in the nursery this past weekend - shelves and hat rack hung up, name decal on the wall and frames bought.
Symptoms: Hungry. So very hungry but trying to eat as well as I can.
Food cravings: Lemonade and rice crispy treats.
What I miss: I missed wine on our anniversary when we went out to dinner, but that faded fast. I do miss deep sleep though.
What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound next Thursday. So hoping the previa is better.
Milestones: Third trimester!!
Emotions: Fairly stable but very easily irritated - mainly at work.