Monday, October 15, 2012

First trip to the ER

We had our first trip to the ER yesterday. 6 hours, 4 needle sticks and 3 shots of antibiotic later... we don't really know much.

Yesterday morning, SJ woke up with some small purple spots under the skin on his legs. We kept and eye on them all day and nothing changed. I decided to call the nurse and she told us to take him to the ER. I absolutely did not expect to hear that. I figured she'd tell us to schedule an appt with his Pedi for today.

We got him ready and left. It took a while for him to be seen, there were quite a few babies in the ER last night. They ruled out menengitis, which was the major concern. They drew 3 vials of blood - it took 4 needle sticks to do this and they still didn't have enough blood for all of the tests they would have liked to have done. His white blood cell count is high, so he is fighting something off. But it is higher than it should be. So they decided to give him 2 shots of antibiotic and they sent us home. We are mtg with his Pedi this afternoon to get more test results and decide if he needs another shot of antibiotic.

So right now, we don't really know anything more than we did before we went in. It could be a common cold virus. It could be bacterial. The good thing is, he is acting fine, eating, peeing, pooping all fine. So we continue to wait...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Back to work and other milestones

I have been a bad, bad blogger. Life with a baby is far busier than I imagined.

It has been exactly 1 year since I gave myself that first Menopur shot for IVF cycle #2. I can hardly believe how fast the time has gone. I now have an amazing 15 week old boy. The emotional roller coaster we were on since April of 2010 has been forgotten.

The past 8 weeks since I last posted have been good, bad, ugly, amazing...

I found out that my sciatica was caused by a bulging disc at L5-S1. After weeks of Physical Therapy and Chiropractic adjustments, I am about 98% recovered. But it was awful, emotionally and physically awful.

SJ is doing very well. Overall he is a very happy baby. We had our rough days here and there. And mommy felt like a prisoner in her own home because SJ was the boss and we only went out when he seemed to be ok with it. Sometimes we were successful, other times I was embarrassed by his loud crying. 

After 14.5 weeks of maternity leave, I returned to work yesterday. Dropping SJ at daycare wasn't as tough as I thought. We had a practice day on Monday when I left him there for 6 hours. IJ and I feel really good about the day care center we chose and the ladies there love SJ already. Of course I miss him while I am away at work for 11.5 hours (with the commute and lunch break). But it makes my time with him in the morning, after work and during the overnight feeding all that more special.

His smile and laugh light up my life. My favorite moment every day is when I go into his room first thing in the morning when he wakes up and when he hears my voice he will turn toward me and smile as big as can be. Melts my heart every time.

Cloth diapering is going fairly well. We are learning as we go but overall, it is pretty easy and SJ actually gets a rash from some disposable diapers so I am glad we wanted to go the CD route. Yes, it is a lot of extra laundry but not overwhelming. And some of the patterns on the diapers are so darn cute!

On the downside, I have already caught my first "I have a child in day care" cold. Sore throat and sneezing. SJ was coughing this morning before I left the house. Hopefully it isn't anything big. I expected him to get sick this month but not after 2 days at day care. I have to keep telling myself he is building up his immunity!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

7 weeks into motherhood

Well I must say, this isn't what I expected motherhood to be like. Exhaustion, frustration...and a horrific bout with my sciatica. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier to have my son and thank God daily for that miracle. But things have not gone the way I had thought.

SJ (my son) is colicky. He has terrible gas that seems so painful to him. It breaks my heart when he screams and scrunches his body up trying to get it out. Today was a particularly tough day.

But the worst part has been my sciatica. 12 days ago I had terrible pain in my leg. It didnt matter if I stood, sat or laid down - it hurt no matter what. And when I say hurt, I don't mean a little ouch. I mean excruciating pain that I had never felt before. The next day was more of the same. I had gone to the ER that morning and the doctor gave me a Rx for a pain killer. It didn't even touch the pain. Just made me tired enough to sleep through the pain for 3 hours. I went to the doctor later and got a sleeping pill (which didn't help much either) and a referral to an Orthopedic Surgeon. The next day I started Physical Therapy. That helped some. But the weekend loomed and then I would be on my own with the pain.

IJ was handling everything so I could try to rest in between pacing around my tiny condo. Continuous walking was the only thing that helped the pain. This continued through the weekend and Monday I went back to PT with some improvement. Wednesday I met the Ortho and got an appointment for an MRI. I also saw a chiropractor that day. So the week went on and I was feeling a little better each day. The MRI was easy and by Sunday, I felt good for the first time.

Monday was my first day alone with SJ in almost 2 weeks. And I must have overdone it because last night was rough. SJ had some painful gas and was screaming uncontrolably. My back would not settle. I could only walk around so I got very little sleep.

We called the pediatrician's office this morning but there isn't really anything they can do.  They recommended we give him camomile tea in his bottle a few times each day. I guess it takes a while for a baby's digestive system to regulate so all we can do is wait. I don't know how I will deal with the screaming because I cry every time he screams because I can't help him and it breaks my heart. hopefully this will all get better soon.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

He's here...

Introducing my son...

born June 28, 2012
6lbs 10oz, 19 3/4" long

Sorry it took so long to get this up here. But as I am sure you can understand, life has been BUSY! We have been home for a week now and adjusting to life with a newborn. It has been great, and it has been rough - but I wouldn't change a thing.

The delivery was rather uneventful. Normal c-section, 15 seconds of excitement (said my doctor) because my placenta was covering my cervix more than expected. I went in the OR at 7:30 and was out by 8:45 with 15 staples across my abdomen - that was weird. IJ was there with me and got to cut the cord. I have never seen him so excited and happy as he was the moment our son was born. I didn't get to see the baby right away, well, I saw him from afar. But after a little while, IJ was able to bring him over to me. I kissed his cheek and they whisked him away to the nursery. IJ went with him for a bit and then came back down to see me. I couldn't wait to hold my son. By 9am, he was in my arms. It was amazing.

He sleeps a lot during the day and wants to party (or fuss) at night. Hoping to get that turned around soon. We is a good eater, unfortunately, he wasn't a good latcher - especially once we started supplementing with formula. The bottle were so easy and breastfeeding was a lot of work. Not to mention I kept getting so stressed about every feeding because he wasn't putting on weight and dropped 11% of his weight in the hospital. I would cry and cry every time I tried to feed him. With my history of depression, and all the hormonal changes postpartum, Sunday IJ and I decided to stop breastfeeding. I still pump so that he is getting some benefits but he is really a formula baby now. There is nothing wrong with it, I just felt like I was failing him. But I had to weigh out the situation and in the long run, a happier mom is a better mom. I could see myself heading toward resenting him and that wasn't going to be good. Anyway, I am ok with with our decision now.

My sciatica is STILL lingering, It is much better, but definitely not gone. I went back to acupuncture last week and have 2 more treatments this week. The 24 hours after the spinal were blissful - no pain at all. But it returned with a vengence and was particularly bad in that hospital bed. Hopefully it will subside soon.

Well, enough for now, I have to go get the boy from his crib.

Monday, June 25, 2012

It's baaaacckkk...

Sciatica. And boy is it bad now! I can barely move my left leg after I am sitting for a little while. The pain is excruciating. Worse than it was when I first had it. At least it will only be for a few days. Hopefully after the birth on Thursday the pain will go away...hopefully!

Friday, June 22, 2012

It's official...

My C-section is scheduled for next Thursday June 28 at 9am. I found out yesterday afternoon but I think it hasn't quite set in yet. While I am thrilled to meet my son, I feel overwhelmed that I have "more to do" to prepare. Like what? honestly, there really isn't much. We are picking our glider up tomorrow morning, I have 2 co-sleeper sheets to wash, need to buy an iPod shuffle for his lullabyes and I need to buy him a pair or 2 of newborn size pants (I wasn't expecting him to be so little at birth - 6lbs as of Wed). Otherwise, it is stuff for me that I need - a robe and slippers, a few items to return at the mall, some make-up (not for the hospital, but for the weeks I am home before I am fully mobile again), packing my hospital bag, I would like to get his quilt finished (well, at least get the quilting done and backing on) and IJ and I would like to go out to dinner and a movie since this will be our last weekend as just the 2 of us.

I can't believe I am days away, just 6 days.... this journey has been so long - 26 months actually. I admit there were times that I doubted this would happen, that I would actually become a mom. Those days weren't many and weren't often but when they hit, they were brutal. But I try my best to focus on the best days - our second egg retrieval when we had 12 eggs, the day we got the call from the fertility clinic that we were pregnant, the day of our first ultrasound, the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, the day we found out we were having a son, the day of my shower and all the love that filled that room. And the best day is yet to come - next Thursday morning.

There are so many people I am thankful to have had supporting me throughout this process - while I never name any names on this blog, I will say this:

My OB office - Thank you Dr S and Nurse J
My Fertility clinic - Thank you Dr H, Dr W, the best Phlebotomist ever, the great ultrasound tech I saw almost daily and the nursing staff (except the girl who gave me my IV for retrieval #2, no thanks to her - lol)
My friends at work - LH, LC, MR, KF, SC, MF, TA, KT, SS - their daily encouragement definitely made those shots a lot easier to handle
My girls - I could not have gotten to this point without their support
My church family and friends praying for us

My family. Even though none of them could fully understand our process and all the IVF terminology, my mom and sisters were great. My aunts and cousins who knew about the second cycle were amazingly supportive.

And last but definitely not least, my husband. While I know exactly how this process made me feel, I don't think I will ever really know how it affected IJ. I know he was always being strong for me and not letting me see his own frustration month after month of us not being pregnant - and especially after the first IVF cycle failed. He put up with so many mood swings the fertility drugs caused me to have. And bravely stuck me with needles full of thick oil every night for weeks. He has rubbed my swollen, pregnant feet almost daily for weeks and done so much around the house so that I could rest after work. He's been reading the books, hanging things in the nursery, installing car seats and putting together toys. And I know he can barely hold in his excitement to meet our son next week. I am so glad to finally be able to give him a son.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Full Term - 37 weeks

We have made it to a critical point... Baby J is full term. And I am waiting on a call from my doctor's scheduler to let me know if the c-section will be June 28 or 29. Yes, NEXT WEEK! I am a bundle of emotions about this - scared of the surgery, excited to meet my son but also scared that I will have this awesome responsibility of raising a child. I am sort of walking around feeling like time is standing still. There are still a lot of little things to do before he gets here. And this coming weekend is my last batch of free time for a long time. I will update again later after the phone call.