No time for a sore throat

I called the nurse today because my throat was bothering me and I wanted to know if I could take anything or drink a packet of Emergen-C. Glad I called because she said no, all I could take is Tylenol. There are things I could take if I had a cough or congestion though. And, she said absolutely not on the Emergen-C. Too many vitamins. Fortunately, my sore throat isn't so bad and I am hoping it is more of an allergy situation.

While I was on the phone with her, something inside my head said to ask who was doing the retrieval. My usual doctor did the retrieval last time so I figured it would be him. But NO, it is a different doctor in the practice. It is the doctor that did my embryo transfer last time. So at least I have met him before. I am very glad I asked because that would have been the kind of unwelcomed surprise that could throw me off completely. I am not thrilled about this news but, I am trying to be positive about it and think of it as a change from last cycle, maybe he will be a lucky charm. Hoping my doctor does the transfer but he is away at a conference this week. Not sure when he is back.

I just finished drinking a huge bottle of Gatorade. The light purple flavor. I just do not love Gatorade. I will switch to just water now but I know the Gatorade has the electrolytes I need to help with the bloating. And believe me, I feel as big as a house today! I will drink more tomorrow and Friday. If I recall correctly, the worst day of bloating was the day after the retrieval. I should probably buy more Gatorade.

Stop... trigger time!

WOW! I had been waiting all afternoon for the call from the nurse. i walked away from my phone for 5 minutes and, of course, she called while I wasn't there. She left a message with my next steps. Tonight, same dose of Menopur and Ganirelix, tomorrow morning same dose of Gonal-F. But then, tomorrow afternoon, I will get a call telling me when to trigger. Tomorrow night!! So retrieval will be on Thursday. I can't believe this. I was hoping for Friday but Thursday is good -and hopefully it is at least a 3 day transfer. I mean, I know I am making a big deal about this birthday party for Br but I would like to be there. And a 3 day transfer would allow that, a 2 day, no chance I can go.

I can't believe it. I really had it in my head from the beginning of the cycle that the retrieval would be Friday. So I will stim for a total of 9 days. I think last cycle was the same. Not sure. More details tomorrow.

Oops, I forgot to post yesterday

Yesterday was a BUSY day! I had to get up at 5:45 to be at the RE's office for Blood work and an Ultrasound by 6:45am. I, yet again, got my favorite Phlebotomist. I thought for sure she would have the day off. I am glad I was wrong. Draw went well, no black and blue again! I went back into the waiting area to wait for my US. The place was more packed than I have ever seen it. Almost every chair had a body in it. I got called back relatively soon after my blood draw and got myself ready. The Tech came in - another woman I had never seem before - and we began. My lining was great - 8.6. But I only had 3 measurable follicles and 11 under 10mm. The measurable were 11mm on the left, a 10mm and an 11mm on the right. I was devastated that I had so few follicles at those sizes. I thought for sure I'd have more because I did last cycle at this same point. The tech turns to me and says, in a solemn tone, " Well, the nurse will call you later with your instructions." In my mind, she may as well have said "go home and throw out the rest of your meds because this cycle is a bust." I left and got in the car and called IJ. I was crying before he even answered the phone. I was so afraid the cycle would get canceled. I headed back toward home to go to my massage appointment set for 8:15.

My massage was fantastic. She did a bit of reiki as well. My 2nd chakra is blocked. The interesting thing in, my lower back (in the area of the 2nd chakra) always has a warmth to it. Considerably warmer than the rest of my body. She said it is energy, like a cluster, or maybe the energy is blocked/stuck. I looked up the chakra when I got home and all of the things that it controls/reflects - emotions, behaviors, physical issues - I suffer form them all. I couldn't believe it. Normally I am skeptical of this type of thing - energy, auras, and the like. But there may be something to this one. So, I need to look into aligning my chakras. I will mention it to my Acupuncturist on Tuesday night.

From there, I went straight to my quilting class. That was a very welcomed distraction from waiting for the nurse to call. I got home and made some lunch, it was 1:45 when the phone rang - it was nurse Sarah. She sounded cheery so I immediately said "I was so afraid you were calling to tell me the cycle is canceled. I don't have enough follicles." She said "It only takes one." and that I might just need an extra day of stims to help them grow. So, my protocol stayed the same for last night and this morning. Tonight, I will add in the Ganirelix and continue with the Gonal-F tomorrow morning and then go in for another blood draw and US. Had things progressed a bit more, I would have started the Ganirelix last night. I felt much better after her call and I immediately called IJ because I knew he was upset about my earlier call. It eased his mind as well.

We later went to my mother's house for birthday dinner #2. It was nice. My sister Ja made an amazing Oreo cake. It was 3 layers and looked like a giant Oreo when cut. It had a cream cheese filling and frosting. It was all from scratch and she did an amazing job on it.

So tonight we have the 3rd and final birthday dinner. (Well, not final I guess because I should be getting together with my dad at some point too) We are heading to a great restaurant a couple of cities away. I will see P&B for the first time since P told me she was pregnant. I am looking forward to it. Should be a great night with friends.

Not so Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. I don't know if it is the fertility drugs or what but I am pretty miserable today. In the back of my mind, turning 37 and going thru IVF#2 at the same time is weighing on me... big time actually. I am totally depressed about it. Why I didn't take the day off from work is beyond me. I never work on my birthday. Perhaps in my twisted mind I thought work would be a good distraction today. Instead, it is one frustration after another. Boo today. It is rainy.

The t-shirt IJ got me for my birthday that I was soooo excited about, is the wrong size and so I couldn't wear it today (Friday's are "fun t-shirt" day at the office). When I opened it last night I was so upset. I know, it is only a t-shirt, and perhaps I should have been flattered that IJ thinks I wear a smaller size than I actually do, but it was disappointing. My personality is such that I am often disappointed on my birthday and Christmas. It isn't that I don't receive enough, I don't really care about the gifts themselves. It is the thought behind them that matters to me. And I always end up feeling like people don't know me at all. IJ meant well with his gift choices, but the t-shirt thing really threw me. I do think the fertility meds are affecting my mood this round. Last round, I had no issues at all. I was more even keeled and, dare I say, happier when I was on them. But not this time. Everything is setting me off. I have been awful to IJ all week long - and believe me, he doesn't deserve it. I need to be better about catching myself doing it and shutting myself off before I say something stupid.

Quick update

This morning I went in for my blood draw - again I got my favorite phlebotomist. YAY! My face lit up when I saw her. I probably should have been embarrassed. Anyway, draw went fine, ride to work on the other hand, not so fine. Crazy traffic with the rain we have today. People totally forget how to drive when it rains. It is so annoying.

Anyway, I digress.... The nurse called about 1 hour ago with my next set of instructions. Same meds tonight, tomorrow and Saturday morning. Then Saturday morning I go in for another blood draw and an U/S. I am assuming that they will start the Ganerelix shots Saturday night but we'll see. My E2 was 196. I think that is good for day 4 of stims. I will have to do a little googling.

So, more of the same. The excitement comes Saturday when I have the US so i can see how many follicles are growing. Quality over quantity... quality over quantity... that's what we want.

3 days in...

So it is cycle day 4 but day 3 of stim shots. I am THRILLED to report that last nights triple dose Menopur shot went much better than Monday night's. I iced the area while I mixed the medications. And then I iced right after. There was still a bit of blood but no bruise this time. The burning was still there but very minimal. Overall a successful change.

I have 2 more shots before my bloodwork tomorrow morning. I am already starting to feel a bit of bloating and have had a headache for about 24 hours. I looked into the side effects and headache is definitely one of them. And since I am on 225 units per day, I assume this headache will last a few days. It isn't debilitating but it isn't fun either. Staring at a bright computer screen isn't helping much.

On a happy note, my fabric came in today! Not that I can start a project with it yet but at least it is here and I love it even more in person. Whether I turn it into a quilt or a diaper bag, it will be a great project.

One Down, many more to go

Blood work and ultrasound this morning. My favorite phlebotomist did my blood draw and barely left a mark. Yay! The ultrasound was quick. The tech was someone I had never met before. Everything seems to be in order - ovary size is fine, endometrial lining is 5mm, no cyst mentioned. Off to a good start. The only thing that has me concerned is that I only had 6 antral follicles (follicles in the ovaries at the start of a cycle). A low number of antral follicles can indicate low ovarian reserve. 6 is borderline low. Last cycle I had 13. So, I am hoping my body kicks out more follicles with all these meds. I am not sure how I would handle it if this cycle got cancelled. But all I really need is a couple of high quality eggs. And I am praying to that end.

So I spent the day trying to distract myself from the pending shot. I didn't get any quilting done but did buy some backing fabric to finish up a big project. The cashier even gave me a 50% off coupon to use. The nurse called around 2:30ish, while I was trying on shoes (more retail therapy to distract me). All systems go! I jotted down my instructions and headed home. I finished watching the Sex and the City movie (I just love that movie) and tried to relax. I remained fairly tense, just dreading tonight's shot - 3 vials of Menopur.

I prepped my supplies, mixed the meds and tapped the air out of the needle. I inserted it into my belly on the first try - no hesitation at all. Well, I tell you, it burned as much as I thought it would. I pushed the meds as slow as possible but it didn't help. I had to put ice on the injection site for a little while afterward. The site bled a bit and turned black and blue almost immediately. I might try icing before the shot tomorrow night. Tomorrow morning, I will inject the Gonal-F. That is the easy one.

This protocol will continue through Thursday morning when I go for more bloodwork. And we will see what the RE wants the next steps to be. Please follicles - grow, grow, grow!

Getting ready to begin again

Great weekend. Not so much because I did anything very exciting - mostly quilting and dinner with some friends last night. More because I feel like myself again. Well, myself but better because I am hopeful for this IVF cycle. I tend to be, shall we say negative.... Not sure why, but, I am what I am.

I spoke to my sister on Sunday morning and explained to her my feelings my reaction and we had a good talk about things. Turns out, she was thinking about how this would affect me from the very beginning. IJ and I stopped by her house on the way to dinner with our friends. I was happy that things are resolved.

A girl whose blog I follow has her beta today. She tested on a home test on Friday and got a positive. It was her second IVF cycle, she never made it to transfer on the first one. I am thrilled for her. I keep checking her site to see the beta results. Congrats Emily!

I have 9 more days of pills and hopefully only 2 weeks until I start the stim shots. It is approaching fast and I am very ready to begin this cycle. IJ and I were talking about the timing of the shots and decided that my morning shot will be done at the office at 9am and the evening shots at home at 9pm. This is assuming the shots have to be every 12 hours in order to keep feeding the follicles. I am not thrilled about doing the shots at the office but it makes the most sense as far as 12 hour time frames. Fortunately, the morning shot will be the Gonal-F pen - easily portable, no mixing or measuring. Just swab area and the pen nib with alcohol, put on the needle, dial up the dose and pull out the trigger, pinch the skin and inject. Should take all of 2 minutes. I am not sure if the Ganerelix will be morning or night but those are easy too because they are pre-filled syringes. So they'd be fine to do at the office as well. mini pharmacy in the beer fridge I guess.

They're here!!!

My meds are here. Another giant box of drugs. It was a lot messier when I opened the box.

Total cost to me $113. Yup, nuts right? I can't begin to express how truly blessed I am to have such amazing insurance coverage. I know I repeat that often but it is really amazing. 

Today is only day 6 of the pills so I am looking at another 15 days of pills and then 3-4 days before the IVF cycle starts. I'll just organize this stuff and store it in the closet for a few weeks until needed. I am sure the time will pass quickly. IVF#2 here we come!

edited to add: I just made an appointment with a new acupuncturist. Right down the street from the fertility clinic. Came highly recommended by my doctor. Will be a bit pricey but we are pulling out all the stops this time. No regrets!

Take 2...

Meds are officially ordered for IVF#2. They will arrive at my office on Tuesday. I didn't even ask the cost. I estimated it to be about $225 for all the co-pays but it is really about $5000 worth of meds. Thank you Blue Cross Blue Shield! Not sure we'd be doing this again if we had to pay out of pocket.

Please visit resolve.org to help get legislation passed so that all people are eligible for IF cost assistance through insurance and/or tax credits. Please use the site to write to your congressman to help get the bill passed.

This cycle, I am going to go extreme on everything. Taking some time off work after the transfer to make sure I rest enough. And I will REST. Last time I got up off the couch and walked around too much. Not this time! I am going to try to do acupuncture 2x per week and schedule it around the retrieval and transfer if possible. I am thinking about avoiding soymilk and any meat with hormones in it. No alcohol once the stim cycle starts, just like last time. I am going to really try to limit my stress as much as I can. I should really get back into yoga. And I will listen to my Circle & Bloom meditations again every day.

I just really want this to work.

Um, What the?!?!?!!?

So the pharmacy just called to confirm my Rx before sending the meds for IVF#2. So she is reading the script off to me and it just wasn't sounding right. When she finished, and I looked at the list, and it was the script from IVF#1. So I said that to her and she said it was JUST faxed over from the RE. So, I immediately call the RE's office and sure enough, they sent the wrong script over. Um, hello, this is expensive medication. What if they had shipped all this useless stuff to me (granted, some of it is the same but the amount needed is much different) and I had paid for it. What a waste that would have been!

So, all will be fine, the right script is going over today and I will call the pharmacy when I am ready to fill it. I want to wait until I know this natural cycle didn't work before I order. Because there is that 7% chance I could actually get pregnant on my own like a "normal" person. lol

Here I Go Again!

Appointment with the RE went well. We are trying again!! He is using a different medication protocol called an Antagonist Protocol. There will be less weeks of shots but the dose of one of the meds (Menopur) will triple. It is the medication protocol I thought he would do so at least my research has been valid. I should have my retrieval around mid-October (my birthday).

He said I didn't respond well last cycle. (um, duh!) The Lupron may have suppressed me too much. No Lupron this time. I didn't have enough mature eggs and the ones I did have weren't very good. He thinks the 2 we transferred probably didn't survive more than a day or 2 inside me. SO the goal this time to is find my good eggs and give them time to mature and feed them plenty of hormones to help them grow.

So here's how it will shake down:

3 weeks of BCPs starting day 2 of my next cycle

on day 2 of the following cycle, I will go in for baseline BW and U/S

that same day I will inject 3 VIALS OF MENOPUR (YIKES!!)

next morning, 225 of Gonal-F (same as last time)

I will continue this AM and PM regimen for a few days - BW and U/S mixed in there too

at approximately cd 7, I will start injecting Ganirelix to prevent ovulation (instead of Lupron) and continue the other 2 meds

a few days later I will trigger with HCG as I did last time

a day and a half later is the retrieval (approx Oct 15)

and then we will figure out the transfer date

I should have my beta test before Halloween. Wouldn't a Positive be a nice treat - no Negative as a trick.


Edited to add: In looking at a calendar more closely, I don't think I will have my retrieval until the last week of October. So that would put the beta mid November. The RE got a phone call while we were talking dates and I think that threw him off.

Almonds to walnuts

IJ saved the day and I was able to do my Gonal-F shot last night. All went fine. The Menopur shot however, a different story. I couldn't get the needle to go into my stomach. I tried a few times and only ended up with spots of blood all over my stomach. I walked away for a minute and then got it done right away. I thought it would get easier but I just feel like a pincushion.

Woke up at 3:20 this morning to use the bathroom and when i tried to fall back to sleep, my ovaries just weren't going to allow it. They feel huge and heavy. I guess they go from normal (size of an almond) to enlarged (size of walnuts). Not painful, but uncomfortable. Especially when I stand up or sit down quickly. The RE's office said I can take Tylenol and drink Gatorade. Gatorade? hmm, ok. Not my favorite but I will do it. Not sure why that helps but I hope it does!

The nurse also said that after my blood work and U/S tomorrow morning, they will have a better idea of when my retrieval will be. She thinks Monday or Tuesday of next week. o.m.g! It is coming up. I am scared but also thrilled to stop the ovary pain and 3 shots per day. Of course then IJ will be starting my intramuscular progesterone shots... waaaat waaahhhhhh

AWWW Freak Out!

Yes, I am freaking out a bit now. Just got the call from the RE's office with my next steps. Same protocol as I have had the past 2 days - 5 units Lupron in the morning, 225 units Gonal-F and 1 vial of Menopur in the evenings. Ok, sounds easy enough, EXCEPT I AM OUT OF GONAL-F!!!! The nurse seemed shocked by this but I told her I was only sent 1200 units and I have already taken 1125. She claims the pharmacy can get it to me today. Um, really?!?! In the next 3 hours before I leave work to go to Acupuncture?!?! ok. Why don't I believe that? Maybe because of all of the hassle getting the correct meds in the first place. I don't do well with this sort of situation. I love predictability!!

So Friday I have to go in for more bloodwork and another ultrasound. I am not sure which is worse. Today's blood draw hurt so badly! and my arms are already covered in black and blues. Not sure where they will draw from this time. Today's ultrasound wasn't very comfy either. She was wielding the wand like an Atari joystick. I am still uncomfortable. There are (I think) 23 follicles in there. Although not as big as I had thought they'd be. Hopefully Friday they can tell me when my trigger will be. I was hoping it would be Friday night but now I am hoping it is Saturday. Much later than that might put me over the edge.

Edited to add: IJ will be driving to Byfield after work to pick up the meds - one Gonal-F 900 unit pen. That is enough for 4 doses. So I guess I should be triggering no later than Saturday. I HOPE!

The first check-in

So my IVF cycle officially started yesterday. This morning, at 6:30am, I was in the waiting room at the RE's office. I was whisked in for blood work and then waited a few minutes for a tech to come out to get me for the ultrasound. I sat there on the table for quite sometime. Why do they keep those rooms so cold? And why do they give me a thin paper sheet to cover up with? I should bring my own blankets from now on. (Note to self: this may be a good market for selling my quilts.)

So the tech comes in, does her thing while rattling off my stats and I write them down on the clipboard for her. Yeah, ultrasounds are interactive. Everything sounds good to me, but of course I started researching as soon as I got to the office to make sure. Bonus: my cyst is GONE! yay!

So I got to work, close to on time, and have been waiting for my call with the results/next steps. Finally, at 2pm the phone rang. We are go to start the stimulation meds! Tomorrow night through Sunday night I have to inject 225units of the Gonal-F at night and only 5units of the Lupron in the mornings (half of what I have been injecting). I go back for more bloodwork on Monday. (Hopefully the black and blue on my arm from today will be gone by then!)

Wow, this is exciting. Although I will, of course, admit I am scared of the shots. I think the first one of each medication will be scary. They will become comfortable but never easy.

ETA my stats for my own records:
4.3 lining
left ovary - 9 follicles: 1 13mm and 8 <10mm
right ovary - 6 follicles: 1 12.5mm and 5 <10mm
1 fibroid in the back